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4 Common Mistakes Parents Make During a Divorce

Posted on in Divorce

Glen Ellyn divorce lawyerDivorce is stressful for everyone in the family, especially the children. Parents are not perfect--they can, and probably will, make mistakes. However, understanding common mistakes that parents make during a divorce can increase your chances of avoiding them.

1. Making the Child the Messenger

When you are going through a divorce, you probably do not want to talk to your ex. Since the child is the common factor between both of the parents, they are often told to deliver messages to the other parent. This can be stressful for the child and often makes them feel like they are in the middle of everything. Your parenting relationship will continue with your ex for a while, and maintaining decent communication between the two of you will make things easier for everyone.

2. Speaking Negatively About Your Ex (Their Parent)

Often, a parent will make disparaging or negative comments about the other parent without realizing it, but this can be detrimental to the child. Sometimes, parents can call each other names or refer to the other in not-so-polite terms. The child loves both of their parents and does not want to see one of their parents be mean to the other. Parents can also influence the child’s opinion about his parents, either knowingly or unknowingly, when they talk about each other. Parents should let the child feel how they want to feel about each parent without any outside influences.

3. Making the Child Decide Where They Want to Stay

When you get divorced, you are no longer living in the same place, meaning your child will also be living in more than one place. Often, couples think that allowing their child to decide where they want to stay is empowering, but often it has other consequences. Some children do not like deciding who to stay with because they do not want to hurt the other parent’s feelings. Forcing your child to choose which parent to stay with is not fair to the child and can cause them unneeded stress.

4. Inconsistent Rules and Consequences

Divorce is a huge change in your life--and your child’s life, too. Often, divorce means moving between houses, disrupting normal schedules, and changing routines. In the midst of all this change, you may find that different rules are being enforced in different houses, and the consequences are not always the same. Consistency in discipline is key when it comes to divorced parents, so the child knows that rules are still rules.

Contact a Wheaton Family Law Attorney

If you are going through a divorce, you know how stressful it can be for not only you, but also your children. If you are having trouble coming to agreements about parental responsibility or parenting time, you need the help of an experienced DuPage County divorce attorney. Let the attorneys at Anderson & Associates, P.C. work with your family help you reach an agreement that works for everyone. Call our office at 630-653-9400 to schedule a free consultation.

Sources:

https://www.anxioustoddlers.com/parenting-through-divorce/

https://www.verywellfamily.com/parenting-mistakes-after-divorce-4084363

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