Going through a divorce is among the most difficult situations a person can endure. While this is true with adults, the impact on a child can last even longer. This is especially the case in high-conflict divorces, which often lead to children experiencing more hardship as they adjust to post-divorce life. 

Whether you are able to reasonably co-exist and work with your soon-to-be ex-spouse, or you cannot stand the sight of them and likely face a prolonged court battle, it is essential to focus on the needs of any children you share. Here are a few tips that will help make their adjustment (and yours) easier:

Divorce is a decision that changes the lives of the whole family, especially a couple’s children. Much of the discussion around divorce focuses on children and their reactions to divorce. A child who is age 4 will have a different reaction than one who is 14. However, it is also crucial to realize divorce impacts everyone in the family, even after they have reached adulthood. Young adults also have to come to terms with their parents separating and most need some guidance and help to work through their feelings. 

Divorce Impact on Children

A study by NYU Steinhart examined the effect of divorce on “emerging adults,” meaning people age 18-25 who are either going to college or just entering the workforce. Emerging adulthood is a time in which numerous changes take place. They are moving away from home, have more responsibilities and bills to pay, and do not always have their parents to fall back on. A survey cited in the NYU study found that among college students in their first year, 26 percent of their parents were separated or divorced. Of 16 million college students, 4 million have parents who are no longer together.

Parents with multiple children are often portrayed on TV as treating them differently based on the order in which they were born. For example, a common trope is that the youngest child of the family is treated less severely than the others because they are the “baby.” Another common portrayal is the oldest child has to be the responsible one and take care of the younger ones. 

Is it also possible birth order can affect adults later in life, and marriages as well? Research indicates different birth orders may impact marriage in both positive and negative ways, and could also influence the likelihood of divorce.

Divorce settlements require careful consideration of many aspects of everyday life. If a couple has children, the divorce process has even more elements to work out, such as the allocation of parental responsibilities and parenting time, formerly known for legal purposes in Illinois as child custody and visitation, respectively. 

Parental responsibility and parenting time are top priorities when negotiating a divorce decree. One related aspect is sibling and step-sibling visitation with other children in the family. If divorced parents have multiple children and custody is split between them, the siblings may wish to see one another, but a parent may try to deny visitation. Siblings can petition the court to grant them visitation when a parent denies it. 

It is understandable to be concerned about your child’s well-being during your divorce process. It is an emotional and stressful time for everyone involved, especially for children. 

To them, it can seem like their whole world is being torn apart. Scientific studies have examined the effect of divorce on children, with interesting results:

It is never easy to break the news of divorce, especially to children. Depending on their age, they might not really understand what getting a divorce means or why it is happening. How you bring up the decision that you and your spouse are getting a divorce can make a difference in how your children understand and react to the news. Here are five tips on how you can talk to your children about divorce and break the news to them in a healthy way:

1. Know the Right Time to Tell Them

You should make sure that you figure out the best time to tell your children that you are getting a divorce. If you and your spouse have been toying around with the idea of divorce, you should not bring your children into your conversations. You should wait until your divorce is in full swing or in its final stages before you bring it up with your children.

Summer is every child’s favorite time of the year--they get a break from going to school, waking up early, doing homework, and studying. But for parents, especially divorced parents, summer can prove to be the most challenging time of the year. During the school year, the kids are at school for a good portion of the day, so parenting plans are usually well-regimented and have agreed transition days for kids to move from the care of one parent to the other. But during the summer, everything changes, so it is important to plan ahead to keep the stress at a minimum.

1. Coordinate Your Schedules

While you have likely already scheduled vacation time and trips with your children, you should also work together with your ex-spouse to determine your and your children’s day-to-day schedules. This will help avoid disputes over who gets to spend time with the child and when. Summer months offer more than enough time for everyone to plan their vacations--it is just a matter of coordinating them. 

Though not all married couples have children, a lot of them do. When these married couples get divorced, they will have different legal issues to address than couples who do not have children. All parents can agree that children are one of the top priorities in their lives, and they will want to protect their children’s best interests during their divorce. Here are three reasons why divorce with children is not the same as divorce without children:

1. There Are More Topics to Discuss Legally

Obvious issues that need to be discussed in divorces that involve children are custody arrangements and child support payments. These issues may also affect other decisions, such as who gets the house (since a parent may wish to continue living in their home with their children), vehicles (which are used to transport children), and other property (such as children’s toys).

Divorce is stressful for everyone in the family, especially the children. Parents are not perfect--they can, and probably will, make mistakes. However, understanding common mistakes that parents make during a divorce can increase your chances of avoiding them.

1. Making the Child the Messenger

When you are going through a divorce, you probably do not want to talk to your ex. Since the child is the common factor between both of the parents, they are often told to deliver messages to the other parent. This can be stressful for the child and often makes them feel like they are in the middle of everything. Your parenting relationship will continue with your ex for a while, and maintaining decent communication between the two of you will make things easier for everyone.

When a couple goes through divorce, the whole family is affected. Often, there are children involved in divorces, and because they are still developing physically and emotionally, they can be strongly affected by a divorce. While not every child is the same, and each child will react differently, there are some general tendencies that happen in children of specific age groups. Understanding how your child may react to the news of a divorce can help you comfort them through this tough time.

Infants

Even though infants are not completely aware of the situation, they do notice and react to the increased tension that a divorce can bring into a household. A stressed infant can exhibit symptoms such as:

When parents decide to end their marriage, they must resolve a number of issues related to their children in order to complete their divorce. The decisions they make will be set down in a parenting plan that will be incorporated into their divorce decree. In Illinois divorce cases, a parenting plan should include:

• Allocation of parental responsibilities - Illinois law identifies four areas of decision-making responsibility for children: education, healthcare, religion, and extracurricular activities. A parenting plan will specify whether each of these areas will be shared between parents or allocated to one parent.
• Parenting time - A parenting plan should contain a specific daily schedule for the time children will spend with each parent. It should also specify how holidays will be divided between parents, along with provisions for how parents will divide vacation time during the summer, winter, and spring breaks from school.
• Transportation - Parents should determine who will be responsible for transporting children between their homes, to school, or to other activities and include these agreements in the parenting plan.
• Communication - A parenting plan may include provisions defining when a parent may contact their children during the other parent’s parenting time.
• Right of first refusal - Parents may wish to agree that if one parent will not be available to care for children during their scheduled parenting time, they must contact the other parent and give them the option of caring for the children before making other arrangements for child care.
• Contact information - The parenting plan must include both parents’ home addresses and phone numbers, as well as the names, addresses, and phone numbers of their employers. The parenting plan should specify children’s residential address for purposes of school registration, and it should require parents to notify each other about emergencies, health issues, and travel plans.
• Relocation - A parenting plan should include a requirement that a parent will notify the other parent at least 60 days before moving to a new home.
• Future modifications - A parenting plan should specify that parents will use mediation to resolve proposed changes to the allocation of parenting time or parental responsibility. The plan may also include provisions for how modifications will be made if certain events occur.
• Other provisions - A parenting plan can include any other decisions made between parents to protect children’s best interests or encourage parents’ cooperation in raising their children. For instance, it may state that parents are prohibited from drinking alcohol or using drugs during their parenting time.

Contact a DuPage County Divorce Attorney

Illinois law requires parents to submit a parenting plan (either together or separately) within 120 days of filing a petition for the allocation of parental responsibilities. If you need help reaching an agreement on any parenting issues during your divorce, the attorneys of Anderson & Associates, P.C. can work with you and your spouse to resolve outstanding issues and create a parenting plan that protects your rights and meets your children’s needs. Contact a Wheaton divorce lawyer today by calling 630-653-9400 to arrange a free consultation.

The breakdown of a marriage is a stressful, difficult experience, not only for the spouses, but also for their children. When parents decide to get divorced, it may ultimately be the best decision for their family, but it can also affect their children in a variety of ways. In order to protect children and provide them with the support they need, it is important to understand the impact that divorce can have on them and how these effects vary depending on children’s age.

Babies and Toddlers

Small children are still developing cognitively, and they will struggle to understand what is happening when their parents break up. However, they do recognize emotions, and they will be affected by the tension and conflict between parents. They may become irritable, they might have difficulties eating and sleeping, and their development may slow or regress.

The end of a marriage can be difficult for all family members, but when parents decide to get a divorce, they may not realize the effects that it can have on their children. Even when parents do their best to prepare their children for divorce, kids can struggle with the adjustment to living in two separate homes. As parents work to end their marriage and establish new living situations, they can take the following steps to help their children transition into this new phase of their lives:

• Follow a regular schedule - Your divorce decree and parenting plan should include a schedule for each parent’s parenting time, and it is important to follow this schedule consistently. Make sure kids know the schedule and when they can expect to spend time with each parent. It is a good idea to keep a calendar in both homes that clearly displays the days when children will spend time with each parent.

• Maintain consistency - Kids should have regular routines that they follow at both homes, letting them know when they can expect to eat meals, work on homework or chores, and go to bed. Work together with your ex-spouse to set rules, behavioral expectations, and methods of discipline that will apply in both homes.

• Give them their own space - You can ease your children’s transition to a new living situation by keeping familiar objects in each home, such as clothes, toys, stuffed animals, or decorations. Kids may want to keep certain items at each home, or they may bring some items with them between homes. Allowing kids to help make choices about how to furnish or decorate their room is a good way to help them become more comfortable with their new living situation.

• Allow communication - If children miss the other parent when they are staying with you, allow them to give the other parent a call, but do not require them to do so.

• Follow regular pick-up and drop-off routines - Cooperate in transporting children between homes and keep these transitions conflict-free. Show up on time, and, if necessary, allow kids to have a few minutes of quiet time before they leave for the other parent’s home or after they arrive.

Contact a DuPage County Divorce Attorney

While the process of divorce can be difficult, it can ultimately provide a better environment for both children and parents by eliminating the stress of living in a home that is full of conflict. The experienced, compassionate attorneys of Anderson & Associates, P.C. can work with you and your spouse to address the legal issues that must be resolved during divorce and reach an agreement that protects your and your children’s best interests. Contact a Wheaton divorce lawyer today at 630-653-9400 to schedule a free consultation.

The end of a marriage can be very difficult for everyone involved, but children are often especially negatively affected during this emotional time. During divorce, it is important to protect children’s best interests, and they should be able to maintain a positive relationship with both parents.

Unfortunately, conflicts between spouses often spill over into their children’s lives. Whether parents involve children in these conflicts intentionally or unintentionally, they can cause serious harm to their children when they do so.

Types of Parental Alienation

Divorce is difficult for everyone involved, and the children of a divorcing couple can be hit especially hard by the news that their parents are ending their marriage. Talking with children about divorce can be difficult, especially when the emotional pain of a breakup is still fresh. Still, it is important to answer children’s questions and help them understand how their lives will be changing. Consider the following tips on how to speak with your kids about your divorce:

1. Be honest and age appropriate. Children will have plenty of questions about why you are getting divorced, and you should be honest with them about the reasons your marriage is ending. However, you should take their age and developmental level into account. There is no need to go into detail about specific conflicts. However, helping them understand that you and your ex-spouse had “grown up problems” that led to the divorce can give them some reassurance during this time of uncertainty.

2. Make sure they understand it is not their fault. Children will often feel that they are to blame for their parents’ breakup, so it is incredibly important to reassure your kids that you are not getting divorced because of anything they did, or that your relationship problems were something they could have resolved. Make sure to let them know that even though your lives are changing, you will always love them and be there for them.