Marriage is supposed to be a partnership with both sides working together. Sometimes that does not occur and the marriage ends in divorce. If you are thinking about divorce but do not want to go through a lengthy court battle and you believe you can work through the divorce process with your spouse, divorce mediation could be the best choice for you.

What is Divorce Mediation?

Divorce mediation is used as an alternative method of resolving a divorce case. With mediation, a third party works with the couple to resolve all issues covered in their divorce agreement, including child custody, child support, and spousal maintenance. The mediator listens to both sides and crafts an agreement that is satisfying to both parties. 

Divorce can happen due to many different factors in the couple’s life, such as infidelity, general unhappiness, or abusive behavior. Money is also one of the most common concerns in a marriage. Financial problems put a strain on many marriages and are often cited as one of the more common reasons for divorce. 

Couples with more money can afford to hire someone to do the things they do not want to do and focus on more leisure activities. Those with less money, perhaps due to unemployment or underemployment, have to deal with the stress of worrying about how the family will pay its bills. Here is a look at one study that examined the effect of males in a relationship not having a full-time job.

Divorce is a decision that changes the lives of the whole family, especially a couple’s children. Much of the discussion around divorce focuses on children and their reactions to divorce. A child who is age 4 will have a different reaction than one who is 14. However, it is also crucial to realize divorce impacts everyone in the family, even after they have reached adulthood. Young adults also have to come to terms with their parents separating and most need some guidance and help to work through their feelings. 

Divorce Impact on Children

A study by NYU Steinhart examined the effect of divorce on “emerging adults,” meaning people age 18-25 who are either going to college or just entering the workforce. Emerging adulthood is a time in which numerous changes take place. They are moving away from home, have more responsibilities and bills to pay, and do not always have their parents to fall back on. A survey cited in the NYU study found that among college students in their first year, 26 percent of their parents were separated or divorced. Of 16 million college students, 4 million have parents who are no longer together.

Many people have opposing political ideologies due to a variety of factors, including how they were raised and where they were born. In a marriage, you are closer to your spouse than you are with other people, and it is likely political viewpoints are going to come up at some point. If you and your spouse have differing political viewpoints, it can play a role in the marriage moving forward, but that does not mean it is necessary to divorce because of the differences, even during these hyper-partisan times.

Marriage Statistics

One 2016 study interviewed just over 18 million married couples in the United States and found 55 percent of couples were Democrats or Republicans only. Independents married to one another made up 15 percent of those interviewed, which left 30 percent as mismatched partisan pairs, meaning two people with different ideologies who married.

The internet has become a place where you can locate anything. Cute cat pictures, a recipe, or a new husband or wife can all be found online. Many people have turned to online dating to help them romantically. According to market researcher Nielsen, almost 30 million unique users visit dating sites each month, which makes up almost 10 percent of the U.S. population. Online dating has caused a noticeable difference in how people view relationships, marriage, and divorce. 

Effects of Online Dating

It used to be that people would be much more likely to date someone their friends or acquaintances knew, such as a “friend of a friend” situation. However, the increase in online dating has caused a jump in dating between what essentially amounts to strangers. The people who meet on these dating sites are usually not people who have ever encountered one another before and have no other known connections. They were completely unknown strangers before meeting online, which is significantly different than how relationships formed previously. 

When you are unhappy with your marriage and want a divorce, it is important to break the news to your spouse in the right way, especially if they have different feelings regarding your relationship. Reactions vary when confronted with something like divorce, and if the conversation does not go well, it can sour the divorce process significantly.

Choosing a Time and Place

It is not a good idea to surprise your spouse randomly with your divorce intentions. You should make sure there are no distractions and prepare to have a long conversation. You need time for a lengthy, serious discussion about this new development, and both of you will have a lot to process. Distractions are a hindrance, so get a babysitter for your children so you can have an out-of-home sit-down, and silence your phones while it takes place. 

The end of a marriage is a difficult prospect for many people to come to terms with, but getting out of a relationship that is no longer working is often best for everyone involved. However, determining the best path to take and understanding the issues that must be resolved during divorce can be a daunting prospect. If you are considering divorce, or if you are ready to begin the process of ending your marriage, be sure to take the following steps:

1. Understand your options - Are you ready to end your marriage as soon as possible, or would you prefer legal separation while you attempt to repair your relationship? Will you be able to resolve issues amicably through mediation, or do you expect any contentious disputes to arise? Are you able to reach an agreement regarding parental responsibility and/or parenting time? Addressing these issues will help you know what to expect during divorce and ensure that you are prepared to meet your legal requirements.

2. Get your finances in order - Be sure you fully understand your finances, including the income you earn, the assets you own, the expenses you must pay, your credit card debt, and any other relevant aspects of your situation. Open bank accounts and credit cards in your own name, giving you complete control of your own finances. Document your assets and valuable possessions to ensure that they will be divided equitably during divorce.

3. Consider your living situation - Will you or your spouse continue living in your marital home, or do you plan to sell the house? Will you be able to continue living together until the divorce is finalized? Do you know where you will be living, and will you be able to pay expenses such as rent and utilities? Answering these questions will help you prepare for success in your newly single life.

4. Set rules for communication - Your relationship with your spouse is probably already strained, and communication with them will likely only become more difficult during divorce. Creating rules for when and how you will contact each other and what is appropriate to discuss can help you avoid emotional conflicts and reach a resolution to your divorce more effectively. Work on keeping communication brief and businesslike, avoiding arguments over who is to blame for the failure of your relationship.

5. Determine how to talk to children - Telling your children about your divorce can be difficult, but ideally, both parents should talk to children together, letting them know that the divorce is not their fault and that you will always love them, no matter what. Before having this conversation, it is a good idea to speak to your spouse to ensure that you are both on the same page and agree to keep children out of any conflicts between you.

6. Speak to an attorney - Even if your divorce is amicable and you expect to be able to reach a resolution with minimal conflict, you should work with a divorce lawyer to draft a settlement that meets the legal requirements for dissolving your marriage. This will ensure that no unexpected issues arise and provide you with a legal framework for any disputes that may come up in the future.

Contact a DuPage County Divorce Attorney

While divorce can be complicated, proper planning and preparation will allow you to reach a favorable resolution. At Anderson & Associates, P.C., our attorneys can help you meet your legal requirements and negotiate a favorable settlement while ensuring that your rights are protected throughout the divorce process. Contact our Wheaton divorce lawyers at 630-653-9400 to schedule a free consultation.

The breakdown of a relationship can be traumatic for everyone involved, and this is especially true for married couples. By the time spouses decide to get a divorce, they are likely ready to get out of an unhappy home situation and move on to the next stage of their life. However, dissolving a marriage can be a complicated process, and resolving the issues that arise when a couple must separate their lives from each other can become contentious, especially when children are involved.

While divorce is often difficult, it can be easier if spouses are able to work together to make the process as amicable as possible. If you are planning to end your marriage in divorce, the following tips can help you get through the process with minimal conflict:

1. Talk to your ex - When your relationship has broken down, communication with your spouse is likely to be difficult. However, if you can talk things over, letting your spouse know your plans and what you expect during the divorce, you will be able to get through the process more easily. In some cases, couples’ counseling can be a good idea, especially if you have children, since it can help you and your ex prepare to continue working together as parents after your divorce.

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Divorce is difficult for everyone involved, and the children of a divorcing couple can be hit especially hard by the news that their parents are ending their marriage. Talking with children about divorce can be difficult, especially when the emotional pain of a breakup is still fresh. Still, it is important to answer children’s questions and help them understand how their lives will be changing. Consider the following tips on how to speak with your kids about your divorce:

1. Be honest and age appropriate. Children will have plenty of questions about why you are getting divorced, and you should be honest with them about the reasons your marriage is ending. However, you should take their age and developmental level into account. There is no need to go into detail about specific conflicts. However, helping them understand that you and your ex-spouse had “grown up problems” that led to the divorce can give them some reassurance during this time of uncertainty.

2. Make sure they understand it is not their fault. Children will often feel that they are to blame for their parents’ breakup, so it is incredibly important to reassure your kids that you are not getting divorced because of anything they did, or that your relationship problems were something they could have resolved. Make sure to let them know that even though your lives are changing, you will always love them and be there for them.